Hamsterdamned! by Adam Millard

Author:Adam Millard [Millard, Adam]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Publisher: StrangeHouse Books
Published: 2014-02-22T05:00:00+00:00

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Mike hadn’t realised just how big the thing had got; it towered over him, thirty foot of stinking rodent. The helicopters surrounding the roof had done a fair amount of damage, but not enough to bring the beast down. As Mike backed away from the creature, he tripped on its razor-sharp incisors, which had been left lying around the roof, ready to cause mass carnage, much the same way a piece of Lego did at the top of a carpeted landing.

The hamster roared as the helicopters continued to fire at it. It was then that Mike saw what the creature was holding.

John. Still alive, and screaming like a granny at a Rod Stewart concert. Mike’s heart leapt into his throat. Had he believed his friend already dead? On the way up in the elevator, with that tinny – and considerably annoying – muzak surrounding him like an eggy fart, the thought had crossed his mind.

Seeing him gave him a renewed vigour. Where there was hope, there was a chance. Where there’s a will, there’s a hundred lost relatives…

“You on the roof,” a robotic voice said. “Head for the exit. I repeat, head for the exit. We have everything under control.”

It was one of the pilots, and from what Mike could see, they had exactly nothing under control.

The creature responded to the monotonous, mechanical voice with a growl. John stopped screaming long enough to realise he was, for the moment, only attached to the creature by the back of his shirt. Claws pierced the collar, but if he could just…get…

Mike watched as John dropped to the roof. The hamster was too busy staring at the helicopters to realise it had lost its captive. John quickly scrambled to his feet and ran for the middle of the roof.

“NOW!” Mike yelled, gesturing to the helicopters. “FUCKING BLAST IT!”

Lining up, the pilots managed to corner the creature; it had no choice but to back away, edging ever closer to the roof’s end. As they fired, the hamster yipped and squeaked. Fur filled the air; it was what Mike imagined a cheerleader slumber party pillow-fight would look like, though perhaps he was just making the best of a very bad situation.

The creature looked solemnly towards the emerging sun before falling back and disappearing from the roof altogether. In that final moment, Mike felt something close to sympathy for the beast.

Something close to it, but not quite…

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